


Tryin' To Get Up That Great Big Hill Of Hope

by daisiesforlacey



Series: look how far we've come [1]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alex Has Anxiety (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex Has Bad Parents (Julie and The Phantoms), Angst, Bisexual Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), F/M, Fluff, Good Friend Julie Molina, Good Parent Ray Molina, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Alex (Julie and The Phantoms), Reggie Has Bad Parents (Julie and The Phantoms), Reggie Has a Sibling (Julie and The Phantoms), Reggie totally had a crush on Luke in the 90s, also Alex deserves so much better, but i mean, but it’s all Gucci in the end, who wouldn’t
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:13:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27360103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisiesforlacey/pseuds/daisiesforlacey
Summary: Reggie has always had a broken family, that is, until he doesn’t.OR: His life as told though 'What’s Up' by 4 Non Blondes.—Part 1 of an anthology of the boys' life, and a look at how far they have come. All culminating in a karaoke night.(Can be read as a stand alone or in any order!)
Relationships: Alex/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Julie Molina/Luke Patterson, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: look how far we've come [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1998304
Comments: 5
Kudos: 129





	Tryin' To Get Up That Great Big Hill Of Hope

**1993**

_25 years and my life is still  
Tryin’ to get up that great big hill of hope  
For a destination_

Sometimes, when the night was clear enough, Reggie would go sit on the roof of his house. The window of his bedroom led to a small balcony. From there, he could swing up to the roof with no problem. Later, Reggie wouldn’t remember why he had climbed out of his window on that cold September evening. His parents were fighting again. This was nothing new; but as of late it’s become increasingly violent. 

His stomach turned every time his mother picked up a glass, or his father stomped out of a room. He worried every time his father came home late, later than Reggie was even supposed to be awake. He worried when his mother forgot to get groceries for the third time that week

But mostly he worried for his siblings. 

He wasn’t the oldest, third oldest actually, but he was the oldest left in the house. His brothers had already escaped the constant screaming; one off to college, and one nowhere to be seen. 

But when he had sat up on the roof, the blanket of navy above him, the world drifted away. He would count the stars as far as his eyes could see and point out the planets to no one in particular. He could name them all, or at least the ones he could see.

Even the chill didn’t bother him as he sat above the treetops, only making his cheeks flush. 

He could see the bright lights of people partying the night away in the city that never sleeps. They had no trouble, no worries, only cash to spend and time to kill. They could run and get drunk and love and have no repercussions other than a forgotten night. The lucky few would win big and spend it all, living the best night of their lives they would never remember.

Reggie wished he could be like them. 

He had only been sitting on the edge of the roof, his legs dangling, when he heard a shout. 

“Hey!”

He fell off.

_I realized quickly when I knew I should  
That the world was made up of this brotherhood of man  
For whatever that means_

Reggie arrived later at school with a bright orange cast on his right arm. 

It was itchy and sweaty and felt like someone had taped a rock on one side of his body. His whole equilibrium was thrown off. After he fell, he lay on the perfectly trimmed lawn, frozen. He didn’t think he was even alive, only a shell of himself, until he lurched to his side and promptly threw up. Only when he went to wipe his mouth did he notice that his wrist was bent at the most awkward angle he had seen anything at. Then came the pain.

He stayed like that on the ground for some time before his mother had rushed him to the ER. Only after the cast had been put on and his mother had chewed him out for all of the money he was wasting did he find out what had happened. His sister had followed him up on the roof, and Reggie guessed he hadn’t moved in some time, because she then promptly yelled at him to wake him from a supposedly vegetative state. 

But suffice to say, he hated the cast. He wasn’t allowed to even pick the color. 

It also kept him from playing his bass.

He walked into the lunch room with total abandon. His hair curtained in front of his eyes, but as he was holding his tray, he couldn't move it. Luckily, he knew his way to the back of the lunch room. He threw his tray down at the empty table, then flopped into the seat. Lunch looked just as unappetizing as ever and Reggie quickly lost his appetite, looking to push around sludge with his fork for the entire thirty minute period.

That is, until a body sat on either side of him, “Yo, can I sign your cast?”

The one who spoke was the one who sat on his right. He had a pink hoodie under a jean jacket and a blinding smile, almost as bright as his sunny hair. Reggie could already feel the corner of his mouth lift.

“Yeah, totally.”

He stuck his arm out before stuttering, “Um, I don’t have a marker of anything.”

The one on his right piped up, “I do! I always carry around something to write with.” He handed the other boy a sharpie. He had floppy brown hair and light eyes, eyes that he already knew he wouldn’t forget. This wasn’t going to be his night in the city that never sleeps. 

The boy in the jacket signed what Reggie guessed was his name, but he couldn’t quite twist his arm to see it. He kept drawing, his tongue peaking out, until he lifted the maker one last time with a satisfied noise. 

“I’m Alex.” He introduced himself, then handed the marker to the other boy.

“Luke, I’m Luke.” Reggie nodded and shifted so Luke could take his turn. “Who are you? Are you new?”

“Reginald, but please, just Reggie. And no, I’ve always gone here. I guess I’m just not that noteworthy.”

Luke’s brow furrowed, “Don’t say that. Everyone is noteworthy to someone. If you weren’t, we wouldn’t have come over here.”

Luke finished his illustration and Reggie twisted his arm to look at it. Luke scribbled down something illegible, probably his name, and a disproportionate electric guitar. Alex had drawn a convincing looking zombie arm over the cast; it showed a cartoon broken bone sticking out his forearm covered in torn fabric. His name was signed above it. 

“For someone who is so into music, that guitar is mad twisted.” Alex scoffed.

“For someone so careful, you sure did manage to get a lot of maker on your hands.” Luke retorted.

Alex sputtered before looking down and seeing all of the stray marks. His face twisted with many unknown emotions before settling on a calm rage. “I’m going to murder you.”

Luke rolled his eyes and let out an indignant cry, “I didn’t do anything!”

“No, but you will. This is just a preemptive measure. I know you.” Alex then launched his body across Reggie and made the motion to strangle the brunet.

Reggie knew he liked them already.

* * *

**2020**

_And so I cry sometimes when I’m laying in bed  
Just to get it all out what’s in my head  
And I, I am feeling a little peculiar_

“And you see, I had a crush on Luke for the longest time,” Reggie explained, sitting on the counter top, “I mean, really, who wouldn’t. He’s electric. I don’t anymore, let me clarify. He’s my best friend forever.” He swung his legs.

The sun was shining through the windows as Ray hummed one of Julie and the Phantom’s new songs. He had been prepping dinner for the past 10 minutes or so and Reggie was talking with him to pass the time. Well, more like talking to him. Ray moved to wash off a cutting board then got some vegetables from the fridge.

“Yeah, Julie explained it all to me and the guys after Alex told her he was gay. She’s really cool. You did a pretty good job at making sure she became a decent human being.” He squinted and looked up in thought, “Though I’m sure Rose also did a big part. She’s lucky she has such good parents.”

“My parents weren’t bad, pre se. They just… had their ups and downs. When I was really little, they were awesome! Top tier human beings, even with six kids. They got me my red bass for my birthday, although it was way too big for me then, they even gave me lessons for a whole year. They just became less awesome as time went on. They ended up hating that guitar. Which I suppose is natural: Alex’s parents were the same. Maybe we just had really shitty parents.”

Reggie hopped off of the counter to run over and flop belly first on the couch, letting out a noise. Ray spread vegetables on a sheet pan before popping them in the oven. 

“I think I realized I liked girls and guys when I met Luke. Or maybe not right when I met him, but pretty soon after. Maybe at my birthday, I can’t quite remember. I think I thought it was strange, y’know, as if no one had done it before me. I knew about being gay, although back then it felt like a death wish, and I knew about being straight, it’s just no one had told me that there was more.”

“And that totally freaked me out for a solid few years; but at least I could always just date a girl, ignore my attraction to guys, but Alex really couldn’t. One time, a girl asked him out to homecoming, and being the great guy he is, he said yes.” Reggie trailed off, “He told us afterwards that it was like he was in someone else's body, that someone else was calling the shots and he was just an unwilling bystander. Like it just wasn’t right and he could feel it in his bones.”

Reggie ran his hand through his hair, “But like I said, there’s just something about Luke. He’s a people magnet. One that only attracts the best looking people if I do say so myself.”

* * *

**1994**

_And so I wake in the morning and I step outside  
And I take a deep breath and I get real high  
And I scream from the top of my lungs  
“What’s going on?”_

It was pouring rain in the dead of the night as the dogs down the street howled. As Reggie ran, he could feel the cold hit his skin and drip through his clothes, soaking his new leather jacket. He couldn’t tell where the rain ended and his tears began. His newly shortened hair stuck to his forehead and his shoes splashed with each new puddle. He wasn’t running on the sidewalk any more and was now standing in the middle of the road in his neighborhood. 

The tall brick houses with perfect grass seemed to mock him. They all had identical white picket fences and brick mailboxes. No matter how long he ran, his lungs on fire, the row of houses never ended. 

They only had to agree for one day.

It was his 16th birthday. This was supposed to be big! It was supposed to be a night he wouldn’t forget, and, for better or for worse, he wouldn’t.

The day had started clearly, not a cloud in the sky as Reggie rushed to meet his new bandmates at Bobby’s garage. As he flung the door open, he was greeted by a homemade banner, one that had started with a big ass ‘H’ and ‘A,’ before someone apparently realized that they only had half of the piece of paper left. The rest of the phrase had been squished together, but it was the sentiment that mattered.

He was tackled by his best friends with a yelled, “Happy birthday, loser!”

They fell back in a heap and he was sure that he elbowed Bobby in the stomach trying to get up, but he was speechless. 

Luke grabbed his hand and led him into the garage, where they had set up the small table with a few small presents on it. Alex pressed his hands on his shoulders and shoved him onto the couch as they all sat around him in their respective chairs. Bobby, Luke, and Alex grinned at him with big, expectant eyes.

‘I, uh-” He started, swishing back his long hair.

“No, no, no,” Luke interrupted, “Open your presents, now!”

Reggie chuckled before reaching for a small blue envelope with his name written on it in impressive cursive; certainly not Luke’s. He tore it open, before laughing at his own enthusiasm. Opening the card, a small slip of paper fell out as he read aloud, “Happy Birthday to my favorite brother and best friends. To the best bassist anyone could ask for, now you can finally get yourself that rockstar haircut.”

He picked up the small piece of paper to see it was a voucher for a men's haircut at the nearest salon. He looked up to Bobby, “Thank you so much.” The guitarist laughed and shrugged.

Alex piped up, “Ooh, ooh! Mine next!” He shoved a jewelry box the size of his palm towards the boy, “I really hope you like it.”

Reggie opened the box carefully to reveal a black beaded necklace with a black pendant about the size of his little finger. He pulled it up and over his head before seeing the note below it reading, ‘carved meteorite necklace, 100% pure.’ There was also a small message in Alex’s handwriting, ‘For the dreamer, always looking to the sky. Love you.’

Reggie was breathless, “Alex this must have cost a fortune! You can’t let me have this!”

But the blond only shook his head, “Nah, my parents are always happy to shell out cash for their favorite kid. It’s really no big deal.”  
Last was Luke’s, the biggest present. It was a white clothing box, the ones Reggie usually saw on Christmas when his aunts and uncles mailed sweaters too big for him. Luke’s smile creeped up on his face, for once not having a cocky air about him. He seemed almost...shy?

“It’s nothing big. I just kept seeing the way you looked at it when we passed the store. And I just couldn’t help myself.”

Reggie took the top off and gasped, tears coming to his eyes. “Luke…” He grabbed the shoulders of the leather jacket and held it up. Luke was right, he had been gazing longingly at it for ages now, promising to get it for himself when Sunset Curve hit it big. It was real leather that had yet to be broken in, the lapels shiny and zippers glimmering. He swung it over his shoulders. It fit like a glove

Luke cleared his throat, the cocky smirk once again returning. He stood up from his chair and brushed off his pants, “Whatever, it’s nothing big. Let’s celebrate!”

But that had been hours ago, before he came home, his presents in tow. There were no cars in the driveways, but he thought nothing of it; maybe his mother and father had gone out to get a cake or something.

He had opened the grand double doors to find the house demolished: the vases in the foyer had been smashed, carpets strewn across the floor, and tiles on the floor chipped. All of the lights were still on, but the large house seemed eerily quiet. He dropped his presents unceremoniously and called out for his parents, then his siblings. When he heard nothing in response, he raced through the house; through the dining room with chairs broken, through the den where the TV had been smashed, still playing a program, through the kitchen where damage was indescribable.

He raced upstairs, flinging his siblings doors open, nly to be greeted with stale air. He could feel the blood pumping and his head pounding. He didn’t know if he could breathe as dark spots filled his vision. He sank to the floor and leaned up against the wall for who knows how long, weeping into his hands. He had no idea where his family was, or if they were safe.

When he came to, that's when he had run out into the rain, searching for anyone, for anything.

Reggie stopped running and looked up to the sky, rain stinging his face, trying to catch his breath. The asphalt below him was unforgiving, but he wished it would swallow him whole. Anything to take him away from here. 

He flung his hands up and sobbed. He screamed up at the sky, up to anyone who would listen, his throat raw.

“What’s going on?”

* * *

**2020**

_And I try  
Oh my god, do I try  
I try all the time  
In this institution_

_And I pray  
Oh my god, do I pray  
I pray every single day  
For revolution_

Reggie really couldn’t believe his eyes. He had poofed up to the top terrace of an office building with Luke, Alex, and Willie. They overlooked a parade. A pride parade.

There were waves of people walking down the street, rainbow fags lining the buildings. Faces were painted and flags were worn as capes, children sitting on their parents shoulders. Even from high above, he could hear the laughter and happy chattering. At the end of the street was a circle of food trucks around a center of music, a band playing. Julie had set them up with a gig a few hours later at the exact spot. Reggie had never been so proud of the short girl, well maybe he had, but right now he could only think in the moment.

It was just a few months ago for him when Alex coming out to his parents was disowning the family. Lives and families had been ruined and ravaged by AIDS, something that hadn’t even gotten acknowledged by the president, even after killing so many people. Coming out as gay was as good as signing your life away.

People hated them. They would burn their houses and curse them on television and in movies and news. Even if someone came out, someone famous, they would be damned to hell by people who didn’t even know their middle name. And Reggie supposed that some people were still like that. 

But right here, right now, Reggie saw that things had changed. He was moved to tears, looking at how far they have come.

* * *

**1995**

_And I cry sometimes when I’m lying in bed  
Just to get it all out, what’s in my head_

Reggie had fully embraced the role of big brother. 

Now that Sunset Curve was gaining traction, he spent less and less time at the house, splitting his time between the garage and his car. When he did come home, it was usually only because one of his sisters had called him with a sniffling nose. 

Those were the nights when he wished, more than anything that Sunset Curve could become an overnight success. When he turns 18, he could take his siblings and use the money to get them out of the house, away from all of the turmoil. 

But for now, he would have to settle for his stories. Luke was always a better writer, but he was a bigger dreamer. His stories were of far away places, filled with strange monsters and brave heroes who trekked the stars looking for adventure. They would camp under a pillow fort with a few flashlights aimed at the ceiling, whispering, pretending that it was for the effect, not to avoid angering their parents. They would all lay on their stomachs, bowls of cheese puffs and gushers between them. 

His sister laughed along, she no longer was the biggest believer of tales, “Reg, that is so not possible.”

He playfully glared at her, “Shush, you’re ruining it!”

They winced as they heard a plate crash downstairs. And Reggie quickly hurried to finish his story; the second something crashed, one of his parents would storm up the stairs to order him to clean it up in the morning. He ushered his siblings into their rooms, being careful to avoid the wood floor planks that squeaked. He tucked them into their beds and kissed their forehead, turning off the lights, and promising to keep the space monsters away from them. 

He would be waking them up in the morning, fixing breakfast, and driving them to school. He’d pick up his sister from ballet, his other sister from soccer, and his brother from science club, before dropping them off at one of their friends' houses for a sleepover. He had long ago learnt that his parents were unreliable. 

When he snuck back into his room and heard his mother creep up the stairs and into her room, he let out a sigh. He could hear his father’s truck start up. He was going to a bar.

Reggie swallowed, even if tomorrow would be a new day, he still knew it would follow the same pattern. They had gotten no relief from their home life.

Reggie could feel his nose start to run and he buried his head in his pillow. His eyes watered, why couldn’t he be better? Why couldn’t he be the perfect son and fix everything? He wondered if he could have done something when he was younger, could he have just followed directions one more time, or done his chores just a little bit better? If his brothers had stayed in town would he have been able to go with them? Would they all move to some big city, where the stars couldn’t be seen, but they didn’t need to be. 

Maybe if he didn’t get into the band then he would be there for his siblings. He could have gotten a more lucrative job and saved up to leave. Just up and leave.

If he hadn’t been up on his roof two years ago, escaping who knows what, then he wouldn’t have broken his arm. His mother wouldn’t have to take him to the ER. He wouldn’t have gone to school with an ugly neon orange and he wouldn’t have sat alone in the corner of the cafeteria.

He wouldn’t have met Luke and Alex.

He wouldn’t have met his best friends.

* * *

**2020**

_And I say, hey-ey-ey  
Hey-ey-ey  
I said, “Hey, what’s going on?”  
And I say, hey-ey-ey  
Hey-ey-ey  
I said, “Hey, what’s going on?”_

Reggie sang, standing at the mic, his head thrown back with joy. He swayed to the music, feeling his body being overcome by pure joy, his blood being filled with music notes and melodies, his bones shaking with the bass, his soul absolutely shining. He lost himself in the tune as he rocked himself with the music, putting on a show.

In the corner sat Luke and Julie, holding hands under the table. Willie and Alex sat opposite of them, tangled in their own little world. Reggie would look back to see that that was the happiest Alex had looked.

The boys had figured out that they could be seen when they were truly happy, such as right now as they sat and sang together in a busy karaoke bar. The room smelled of sweat and bad fries and peanuts, but the whole place was alive. Buzzing with people who belonged. Here. Now. Forever.

It was Reggie’s turn as he gripped the mic, jostling his shoulder to the beat, eyes closed. He didn’t need to look at the lyrics, this song had been in his blood. The song had always been one of his favorites. He had felt like he had known it for all of his life.

Sweat made his tank top stick to his back, and the neon lights that had at first made him uncomfortable now made him feel like the true rockstar he was meant to be. Right now, he was in his element. He was used to being overlooked and taken for granted, but right now he was a teen boy, well a teen ghost boy. 

_And I say, hey-ey-ey  
Hey-ey-ey  
I said, “Hey, what’s going on?”  
And I say, hey-ey-ey  
Hey-ey-ey  
I said, “Hey, what’s going on?”_

Right now he flung his arms open as he sang, his voice strong and captivating, his friends singing back up, swaying. He stepped down from the stage and walked table to table, smiling brighter than he ever could remember. Those he passed looked in awe, or maybe not, it didn’t even matter to him. He reached the table, filled with people who loved him, and he felt his eyes water. 

Right now, yeah he was crying. But right now it was because he was happy.

Right now, he was Reggie. And that was good enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you soooo much for reading! Ack!! This was so much fun to write!! 
> 
> There will be two other fics exactly like this following Alex and Luke, relating to their own songs of the 90s! They will all end with the same karaoke scene!
> 
> Please please leave feedback, I’m testing out a new writing style, it means the world to me!
> 
> Let me know if you would like me to continue the series!!
> 
> (please note that I own nothing but the writing itself, all characters and songs are property of their rightful owners)


End file.
